POV from the MOB | Inspiration from a Past Mother of the Bride

December 19, 2013

If you were like me, you had a darling baby girl who dreamt of fairy tale romances with handsome royalty in tight pants of the Disney persuasion. And now it's time for your daughter whom you remember with the two missing front teeth to don a bridal gown. Maybe that gown has giant neon bows on the butt or maybe it's your upcycled wedding dress from decades ago. But it's her gown; it's her day.

So how can we contribute to our daughters' beginning stages of the wedding planning process without being "that" MOB? I’ve heard many horror stories of MOBs overshadowing, over-reaching, and basically “over”-doing everything on her daughters' day.

With my POV from the MOB series here on Tidewater and Tulle, I will attempt to provide valuable information to MOBs-- some tongue in cheek, some tear on cheek. While we MOBs aren't perfect, there are some things we can advise from our past and do for our daughters to help her special day be just that-- special.

* Ask your daughter about her dream and her 'vision' of what her day will be. Listen to the words she uses and ask for visuals. Offer assistance, but of course, knowing your daughter's personality (whether very organized or more go-with-the-flow) will guide you to where you might be needed.

* Share detailed illustrations, perhaps a shared Pinterest board together. Pin your favorite images that you see on the internet, and she can pin what she likes. It can be a special thing that you two do during the planning process.

* Ask her what she envisions you wearing. If her color theme is navy blue and silver, wear what she wants you to wear-- don’t wear red and green to her holiday wedding even if you're Mrs. Christmas Claus! Remember there will be photographic evidence for eternity.

* Do whatever you can to ensure that you understand what will make her day a dream for her and then help her make it happen. You don’t have to like her dream theme, but try to be what she needs you to be: her Mother. As you are able, wipe the tears, pay the bills, bend over backwards, and bite your tongue. You will never regret that. There are thousands of other things you can regret but you can’t get that day back for yourself or for her. We never, ever get back that wedding day.

Fellow MOBs, there are plenty of other ways that we can interfere in our daughters' lives-- give her a few more years and then you will get your turn with the grandbabies if that's in the cards. But during the beginning stages of the wedding planning, be what she needs you to be, and enjoy this special time with that former little girl with the two missing teeth.

- Kay

Kay Dayton is a contributing writer to Tidewater and Tulle. Hailing from San Diego, Kay found herself back in Hampton Roads to be with her two daughters (one of whom is the Tidewater and Tulle editor!) in late 2013. With years of managerial experience (and a her passion for nature and macro photography) in the non-wedding world, she brings a refreshing perspective on the local wedding industry, especially as a past mother-of-the-bride. When she's not keeping things organized on the business end, Kay loves to go beachcombing, sailing, and rooting for the Chargers.

Photo by Fareine Benz.